Wednesday, January 30, 2008

sometimes i would just like to drop everything & jump down a building or run into the middle of the road. i finally understand what is 逼上绝路. If one day i ever leave this world full of hatred and tiredness, i am sure all of you know who to blame. Maybe i should just do it, since everything in life seems so worthless already. nothing seems to matter anymore, its just me and my life, so fragile & so breakable.

maybe one day i would figure out how to end all these things, even though the fatest solution seems so enticing. so attractive.


**respect should be gained from the bottom of others hearts & not just because you want it. if this is how you demand respect, all i can say is "HAIL HITLER!" [ let the totaliterian rule BEGIN! ]

Breaking the Habit!

Friday, January 11, 2008

i dont know what to do now. i hate this cca. i hate it so much. but yet, i love rvtt. haha. so damn ironic. rvtt is the only place now where people actually tolerate me, where i can be me, & dont have to care about everything.
daily life is making me feel as if i have split personality. non-cc days,this is zhijun one. i wouldnt say quiet, but if you really know me at rvtt, you would be wondering if this was the same person. i dont want to do this either. you have no idea how tired i am, acting good & guai. all i want to do is to survive. even though i hated this way of survival, i didnt really have a choice. 4C & 3C is not exactly 2D, nor is it rvtt.
for cca days, i dont really care anymore. after all the trouble i get in, i dont want to care how others thought of me. i can be as crazy as i want, showing everything out & not caring what others saw. i can shout & scream & throw tantrums, & everyone will feel that it is normal. if i dont talk for one whole day, people will think that i am either acting emo or trying to ap everyone. but thats me, i cant keep my mouth shut, & i dont see the need in keeping it shut when i am myself. sure, you might say i am hyprocrital. i feel that i am too. i wanna strangle the other zhijun one in me & be myself. just like in rvtt. but in 3C & 4C, they dont accept that. for any case, i would rather be in 4H or 4L or even 4I. i dont want to be in a place where i must survive in such a cowardly way. but i really dont have a choice & everything will end. after this year. just one more year.
so perhaps everyone at rvtt feels that nowsaday zhijun is getting more & more crazy. its just because i am feeling more & more stressed. especially with rvtt getting more & more complicated, i find that the only place to be me is starting to vanish. & that is completely unacceptable.

completely unacceptable.

Breaking the Habit!

Monday, January 07, 2008

sometimes i do things which i dont know why i am doing them. its like a reflex action, something that i am supposed to do each time but i never know why. school is okay, even though the daily morning spot checks kind of get on my nerves. if they don't trust us to not show off our shorts to everyone in the world, i dont see why we change our uniform. we know how short our skirts can be. we are not exactly that shameless that we dont know how much we can show off. i feel that i am going to fall behind for the sciences. i dont really understand about them.

black? its that me then?



P.S. he really looks like wilson. (:

Breaking the Habit!

Saturday, January 05, 2008

sian sian sian
saturday had cca trials & i got to know more juniors from sec 1 & 2. i pretty much liked the guy called ashley. [should be correct] yah, sinyee like him too. first impression, gives me a dexter feeling. haha, dexter gives me a yujie feeling too. LOL. but i think he has the blur look thing too. according to sinyee he kept scrathing his head & looking blur. his backview looks like wilson, he was the guy i mistake for wilson when i wasnt wearing my specs during the day of the business china thing. LOL. good impression lar for what he give me.

then me, sinyee & sherry went shopping for my jacket at vivo. which i didnt find anything. although sherry very very encouraged me to buy the kappa long jacket which cost 99.90 bucks. LOL. & sinyee was dont listen to her. haha. if it was cheaper i would have considered. but i think a close 100 is too much. (:

& i lost my new manga notebook which has my homework list inside. & i highly think that my siter took it because she suddenly appeared & claimed that she bought it yesterday. DAMN. i should have written my name or something on it.

Breaking the Habit!