Saturday, June 30, 2007

MR LEE HAS LEFT RV!
so sad. he was a really a very good teacher and he really cared for us when he was 2d'06 form teacher. he went through the 3Ps with us thrice in one year and made us remember it by using up lessons and lessons. he was always patient with us and always encouraged us to do our best. he paid for the huge cake we bought for spencer the babies that time. he never scolded us before. only ONCE. and that was due to the fact that we were actually in the wrong. he never given up on us. not once. he trusted us. i can never forget the time when he told us not to cry on teambuilding day.he help us get a bus to let us go to the airport in time to see spencer. even though, yes, he can be annoying and seem that he has an bombastic ego, we all know that he really didnt mean it. he was just trying to make himself more interesting. he was the BEST english teacher and form i ever had in rv. and even when he left, he gave us BROWNIES AND CUPCAKES to eat. which i had TWO X). THANK YOU MR LEE!! <3

i started reading old blog posts of sm blogs and others. i realised my name was always said when it was something bad. i suddenly feel that i have been a real bitch the whole year and acting like a spoiled brat. except that a spoiled brat has to be rich. which i am not! yea. i know to some ppl i am just this girl which is unreasonable and all. but perhaps you never knew that i had a huge demand for attention. i always feel insecure, everywhere and anywhere. well, seem that my blog is always dead so i dont mind saying it out. only a few know about this. and about my attitude, i think i am starting to improve considerably. not that i am saying i am totally like attidute-edless, just that i don't flare up so often. i will keep trying, because i know no one can help me except me.

QUOTE OF DAY: no perfection can be attained with WITHOUT imperfection

P.S. i am sorry ms li jie for shouting that day. i should have remembered the status difference and spoke with respect and more manners. if you ever see this, i am sorry.

Breaking the Habit!

Monday, June 25, 2007

first day of term 3. kinda of sucked because i kept wanting to fall asleep and i was always super hungry X) physic change teacher le. no more mr suria and no more "OKAYS". now is some mr wong, he looks ok lar. just that he talk i can sleep. homework!!! alot haven do yet. LUCKILY got extended deadline. anot i REALLY will die de. and my muscles still ache from rvtt camp. DAMNATION.

能不能听你说一次喜欢我。我只想沉浸在自己的梦幻中， 不想出来。

Breaking the Habit!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

BACK FROM RVTT CAMP. and my whole muscle like dropping off like that. my whole body aching like mad. and my fingers hurt. so when i type got alot of error. PAIN SIA. for immediate detials of the camp go see sinyee's blog. i dunno how she manage to do it, cuz even now i still not in clear state of mind. the most memorable part of the camp was i got electrocuted. by what? sherry's almost decomposing christmas lights. and NO. i am not another JESSICA MASTRANI even though i really prayed very hard. i gotta go pia homework le. details save when i am more awake.

Breaking the Habit!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

i am MAJORLY pissed. shal i stress the word MAJORLY? today, i took up sinyee's well given advice to go buy glam clothes on that day wheni was supposed to do my projects. sure, melissa they all complained about it and i explained why. they accepted my explanation and even agreed to go with me. we wasted around 3 hours of my project doing time to shop for my clothes and still didnt find any. so, after our project doing, we went back again to scout for more. at that point of time it was already 6. when i FINALLY could agree on something and was paying for it, SURPRISE, sherry sms-ed me to say they are wearing fbts. i paid $30+ for that clothes. i wanted to use that money to get a ROXY wallet. but WHEE! i wasted it on a clothes that was not even used for. and the ironic thing is that i had to recieve the DAMN SMS when i was paying half way for it. and my mother just scolded me for buying clothes again.
i dont want to be involved in the stupid dance anymore. its making sick enough as it is. i just want to be someone in charge of hall deco. i just want to be doing my part.i haven packed yet fyi. i am planning to pack in the morning when i finaly wake up. i dont even want to set an alarm. just let my internal alarm clock wake me up at this rate, it should be around 10. maybe i shall not even go. i dont know. it depends on my last minute decision.

Breaking the Habit!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

leaving for training later. i dont even want to go. not even the camp. why? i feel useless and tired of it. i know its supposed to be for rvtt. but what has rvtt done for me? other than making me feel so god damn miserable and sick for the past 2 years, i dont see what else it has done. and if u want to say what about the happy times, i might just tell you truthfully that it was just a facade. a big whole lie. we all know those where so rare, even though we are a team. A TEAM. seems ironical to say it like that. perhaps i should say we are sand. just passing through time in our own way. i hardly understand ANYTHING anymore. friends or no friends? team or no team? everything keeps changing in front of me. so fast. so sudden. why can't ppl make up their minds about what they plan to do. one minute, we can all be so angry. and the next minute can be seen with you just making up. you can act cold on one day, and suddenly hot on the other. you say you have a mood. MAN i totally agree. but why can you be the only one with one. when i have one, you say i am ap-ing. it doesn't make sense. really.

Breaking the Habit!

i am frigging tired. i am sick of this whole damn world, the camp and everything. why? SIMPLE. because all of this frigging things suck. they SUCK to the core. i don't see any meaning in living this life anymore when all i am doing is living in self denial. I HATE EVERY FRIGGING ONE OF YOU! don't give me all that bullshit about responsibility and consequences, you frigging ASSHOLES. if that really mattered as much as you want them to be, you wont be even sitting here. nothing is real. NOTHING. those fantasy about everything is in good order where EVERYONE is basically living in peace and LALA LAND, that was the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard. YOU WANT ME TO LET GO. then why the hell did you scream all those bullshit in my face the past few weeks. i really dont understand. CONGRATS IN MAKING ME ALL CONFUSED.

Breaking the Habit!

Monday, June 18, 2007

i seriously dont know what to say other than its too late. its still too late. if you have said that a month ago, i think everything will be alright by now. but when you were gone, i realy seen alot of things with different eyes. i could still live, i found out, without you. being alone has never in my eyes been so joyful to me. you have become something i dont know how to face and dont know how to talk to. when i talked with sinyee and jin, at least they listened. at least what they came out with was something that i knew mattered to not only them but me too. but with you. i dont how to say something that made at least some sense to me but seemed perfectly alright to me. we are both on different freqeuncies,on different language. perhaps what sinyee said was right, its time to stop being so over dependent on friends. its time to grow up. there is always sometimes when you want to say something to someone, but after a whole day, you find that nothing comes out. NOTHING. that is how bad it has become. it is pretty obvious that we no longer can play it out. we no longer fit anymore. NO LONGER.

Breaking the Habit!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

i realised something over watching MEAN GIRLS. and ITS SO TOTALLY TRUE. i mean, so what if you got all that looks and all that brains when all you got inside is just a suber uber BITCH? SEE. it totally sucks if that happens. LOOKS matter. but not THAT much. your personality and characters matter so much more than that. if you look at a girl with those FAB figure and hair and all you can think about is I WISH I COULD BE LIKE HER. THEN stop that THOUGHT. FAB ppl like those arn't the QUEENS of the world. their personality doesn't much up to a PRINCESS either.so it totally doesn't matter if you looked just like me or fell just like me, because in EVERY girl that is something that she can just feel PROUD of.

Breaking the Habit!

Friday, June 15, 2007

i have like 10 tons of homework that i haven complete yet and there are only NINE days to the first day of school. WHEE! seriously, someone should bang the RV in charges' heads into the wall. i think the whole school doesn't mind at all.
do you ever feel that in your life your mood tends to revolve around that one person? yeah, i felt it recently, which kind of SUCK. it seems that you don't want to talk about it, yet you feel happy to talk about it. Being a total OXYMORON, i know. that's just like what sinyee will say, pretty nice. i think it's just the start of the end of forgetting. and i know it will disappear pretty soon. WILL IT?


she's back.

Breaking the Habit!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

HEYS! have pics that are "cope" from sinyee's blog. its about the treat at cafe cartel and celebrating coach's burfdae. TODAE IS HIS BURFDAE BY THE WAY XD!

yangling covering his eyes for the surprise. and him with his farnie movements (:


now change person (WILSON)cuz yangling was busy doing things with the cake


YEAH! his cake! its banana chocolate from SECRET RECIPE! LOL. so huge rite. i looked at it i felt the calories rising under my skin! o.O


ALL OF US who went (: fuhua and rvtt PEEPS (: & yangling & wilson


coach blowing off the CANDLES on his humongous burfdae cake!


HIM cutting the cake with very GUAILAN actions XD


COACH opening his b'dae present which was actually a plane model that yangling and sinyee they all went to buy.


AMANDA making GL actions back at him. i think she did he while he was talking to someone.


rvtt-ians who went that day. why i looked like i wasnt looking at the camera? that is cuz i was not. i was talking to coach and they took it /:


FUHUA PEEPS!

Breaking the Habit!

HEY PEEPS! hahaz... sudden randomness. my muscles ache like mad lor. cant even walk without hobbling. oh. todae had training, thats why it hurts twuce as much /: today wilson came for training. actually i already there is a high chance he might come, becuz they got friendly with gess today. didnt go because WE always have a long day for training. fekt damn EMO today. must be becuase of what happened yesterday night. i felt really sick and just wanted to cry. haizz... i cant think that much now. i dont have the time. not anymore

我努力的仰着脸孔
试着眼泪不往下流
别往下流
不安的感觉到什么
在我生活中不再相同
很不相同
想要说
却还沉默
伸出手
无法触碰
天空突然一片辽阔
原来你是真的已经离开我
在我不熟悉的世界过新的生活
闭上眼让泪水滑落
此刻你已真的永远离开我
在另外一个没有我的世界
自由的走

Breaking the Habit!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

原来你是真的已经离开我 在我不熟悉的世界过新的生活
i dont feel the same. i dont why. i think 2 years fo forgetting has numbed my memories and my heart. i dont feel the excitement. all i feel is relief. and disappointment. i really dont know you anymore. this shows how important it is to communicate. i can be very SURE to say this, you no longer hold a place in my heart or memories. THANKYOU

Breaking the Habit!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

YEA! went cafe cartel with rvtt gals and fuhua ppl to eat. COACH'S treat!!! (: i finally got my legendary butterfly bat! HAHAZ. it cost 120 bucks ok! but also not i pay so never mind de. XD i can't wait to try it out.
Cafe cartel was like so cheap and filling. i could hardly finish the whole set meal. it was so huge lor. still got ice cream de. plus we celebrated COACH's birthday with this banana chocolate cake at sweet recipe and with his present. i didnt eat the cake cuz the banana kind of turned me out. but i heard from zhixuan and carmen that it was NICE! (: hahaz. also, i am on a diet lar. don't want to get too fat. my mother watch me on tv yesterday and said i looked fat. FOR GOD SAKE, my own mother eh, maybe i really fat le lar. i told shibin that my friend said she looked chio. she replied that the person must be blind -.-. LOL. but she really does look chio lar. ITS A FACT, BABY. amanda also looked damn chio. MY, she was like so outstanding. THUMBS UP TO HER! hahaz. wilson looked shuai lar. he so tall le. but i taller XD. LOL. after sinyee say i flower idiot again. yups, then i went home and sleep. then eat CRAB. my gawd, damn nice (:

i keep missing the chance to just talk to you. i dun noe why but suddenly all my attempts look stupid and even more, foolish. i wonder why?
end of story le. cuz i dunno wad to sae.

Breaking the Habit!

Saturday, June 09, 2007

HEYHEY! lol. dunno why so high. i slept like at 3am last night,after seeing the jacky wu show on channel u and reading 2 jessica mastrani books. and i am wide awake at 10.30am this morning. GOSH, i slept for 7 hours plus, reasonable lar. Later i still have to go over to mel there for eril assgn. God, my life sucks. its a sunday and i am stuck with homework.
THE DECISION I FINALLY MADE: yes. i should ask him go.
Oh yeah, can some person tell u the addy for asknlearn in my tagboard. i am quite sick of unabling to get and screaming at my com. thankx

Breaking the Habit!

Friday, June 08, 2007

结铃人需系铃人 one down. another to go.at least i setteled one. one that i owe him far too much. its the least that i can do by reassuring him that he must come to the camp. even though i have to use the i have a boyfriend lie again. the other one, i am not sure what to do. maybe i should just ask sinyee to decide for me XD

Breaking the Habit!

if life is going to be full of possibiltities, why haven't i seen them? Are you telling me they are hidden deep down inside? iam seriously in a state of serious confusion. i can even get if i am lying to myself or not. do i want him to come or not? ehh... actually i don't know eh. same question, same answer for the past 100 times. i got so preoccupied with this question i find that i have been sitting in front of the computer for around 2 hours? I NEED AN ANSWER! can someone like make the chioce for me? i still have another thing i am supposed to solve. since its all my fault anyway. GOD, why is my life so pathethic?

Breaking the Habit!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

i am very tired. totally shacked out. i have 5 hours of training straight today and yesterday and i have to look at her face and act like nothing happened.
i was late for going there today. coach let me sleep in the chapel and i overslept. i went there with a bu shuang face with a junior. i saw her sitting down there with a face that looked like she wanted me to go on my knees and beg for forgiveness. Obviously, i totally ignored her and slammed my bag and started to manke way to get a chair. She said “站住”. that must be her favourite phrase. i turned around and went yea? she said 你看到老师为什么没有和她打招呼？你这是什么态度？so i looked at her in the eye and said 李老师好！man, was i pissed. then she asked me why i was late. so i said, "睡着了". apparently, for someone who teaches chinese she doesn't understand a three word sentence. she made me say it in one whole sentence with a 对不起。i told the whole damn thing to her looking at the wall behind her and she said i must look at her and repeat after her. 对不起，李老师，因为我睡着了所以迟到了，我应该三点半就来，不应该四点才来。还有我不应该慢慢州过来应该快快。对不起。” i was looking at her like she was mental, and i slowly said the whole damn thing and purposely telling her half way 对不起啊李老师，我忘了刚才应该说什么。”apparently she herself forget so she just ask me say sorry again. then we had competition which totally sucked. not only boring but i had to see her damn face looking at me. luckily, i am short sighted so she just look like a pile of blur mud to me. seriously i was bored out lar. then halfway, pearly rousi came and wanted to past me the homework. lijie came and asked them why they were here and chased them out.i think when they were out of the hall they were still talking about her, cuz i heard someone screaming asshole very loudly and i was like OMG, super funny. yea, thats the thing about my two stupid days when i had to see that bitch's face. i totally can't wait for holidays trainings to be over.

Breaking the Habit!

Monday, June 04, 2007

FUCK. I am feeling so PISSED OFF with her irritating behavior. She made me cry. Made ME cry. And not because i was so afraid, but because of the fucking fact that I couldn't just shout in her face, "Shut the hell up, you bitch!". Seriously, vulgar but effective. But I just couldn't do so.
Like you said, i MUST go over, i didn't have a choice. I told you it’s my cca, obviously I have a choice. You said, in your cca, you must listen to the teacher, which is me, obviously, so you don’t have the freedom. WHAT THE FUCK! Then I said, FINE, then I quit this cca, right now, on the spot. And I walked into the chapel, grabbed my stuff and made my way home. But NO, she couldn’t stop there, she was like screaming，“站住” throughout the whole way. LIKE I freaking care. Then on the chapel steps, she was like ZHIJUN 你给我站住。Man, I regretted stopping and turning around. She started saying first.
“Can we have a nice talk about it.”
“Obviously, we have nothing nice to talk about.”
“What kind of attitude is this? I am your teacher. And where are you going now?”
“I am going home.”
“It’s still cca period, you can’t leave as you wish. You don’t have the right or freedom to.”
“Okay ,fine then. I shall just quit this stupid damn thing and I am free already right. Since now, I no longer belong to this cca.”
“You can’t, because as your cca teacher, I don’t allow you to.”
“Fine, then I shall talk to the school.”
“I represent the school, so talk to me. If you have the guts, go change a school.”
“Why not? What the hell do you want from me. You don’t let me quit. You don’t let me stay. What the hell do you freaking want?” Only I didn’t say freaking. If you get the idea. And basically shouted at this part.
“What kind of attitude is this. Who gave you the permission to shout? I am your teacher, you must respect me. Anyway, do you think you are the only one with a temper?” She shouted back.
“I never once thought so.”
“Zhijun, your own coach wants you to come over. Your own coach.”
Oh my, seriously, when I heard this I was super pissed. “ RIGHT, my own coach. Unless he said that right in front of my face and told me to go over, maybe I would. However, if I didn’t want to, I still won’t go over.”
And according to YEEJIN, she went into the chapel, demanded my coach to say that he wanted me to go over and dragged him to the staircase.
Throughout the whole period, I was feeling pretty bored so I took out my handphone and started playing games. Lame, I know. But hey, I was bored.
Then out came the two of them. And my coach started to say, why don’t you go over, you can benefit from it. Obviously, with HER standing right there. I looked at him straight in the eyes, and saw that he was blinking terribly towards her. And all I could think of was, YOU BITCH, WTH DO YOU FUCKING WANT! Basically I ignored the whole conversation until I heard HER ask coach you want her to go over, correct? And coach replied, of course, but if she doesn’t want to then I have no choice. Then I looked up from staring at ants crawling around and said, SEE, if I want to. Then he said, anyway in November you all going over. THEN, I practically screamed then wait till then lar. Apparently, SHE saw that he wasn’t helping much, so she asked me to go away. FUCK MAN. We apparently came into appeasement, because I couldn’t stand listening to the crap she wanted to repeat.
But what made me more mad, is that she call sinyee so many freaking times and made her cry. GOD, sinyee doesn’t cry easily. No, she doesn’t. I am so going to warn her not to call anyone from sec3 again today. I CANT STAND HER MAN.WTF IS HER PROBLEM?

Breaking the Habit!

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Just came back from melissa feeling very tired out. We went to her house and Yishun library to do some research work on our ERIL ASSGN. I am seriously very unhappy with the librarians there. Totally rude and impolite. They made us move like 4 times before we could not take it and went to the media resource room. what the hell. And the most important fact is that they cannot say "PLEASE". -.-

Later, me, melissa and lynette went to north point to eat dinner. Apparently the delifrance there didn't sell POTATO BOOGIE. Therefore, we went to SWENSENS. Man, that was quite a finger licking experience. Melissa and lynette tried the chicken baked rice and i tried the fish. Mmmmm... NICE! However, i prefer the baked rice at PASTA MANIA as the rice tasted nicer and it had more and it is cheaper. Then, Melissa ordered fries, which we shared. And that was mouth watering too! Even though they had a hard time stopping me from pouring ketchup into the container itself, since the fries doesn't come with it. What a wierd place! They were practically screaming at me but in the end, they still ate it down regardless of whether it was ketchupless or with ketchup. Then, i finished eating first and wanted some calamari rings, which melissa wanted to share. It looked so nice and so many in the MENU. But as they always say, "looks can be decieving" and "never judge a book by its cover". It's nice, however it arrived in a pathethic amount. RAHS! totally not enough for me. WORSE, it didnt come with ketchup AGAIN. So, i started to make way for the ketchup bottle and melissa then started to cover the bowl with her hands. -.- And i started shouting at her and she started shouting back. Then she threw a piece of lettuce from the bowl and told me to put the ketchup there. -.- Apparently, i had to make do with that or she will start screaming again. LOL

Recieve news again. And i ain't very happy about it. Why can't you just stop it?
My house number, although i know is very nice and easy to remember, is not exactly there for you to make prank calls. Isn't my attitude enough. Maybe next time i should just tell you straight in your face to get out of my life. Seriously, why can't you get out of my life. You remind me of a koala, always holding on to the gum tree and not letting go, no matter what happens. Except, you are not cute and furry and you are definitely not that nice. What's more, you are not in that beautiful shade of gray. You look more like ______. You fill in the blank yourself. I am giving you a chance to reflect on your on behaviour anyway.

P.S. To GE fans, i realised i spelt GRANADO ESPADA wrongly. No offence meant. Sorry.

Breaking the Habit!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

seriously, granada espada sucks. It is such a lame game. Apparently, you can just leave the character there and go somewhere else, like for lunch, and it still continue killing enemies and gain exp. points. Which in my point of view, its not only lame but stupid. Why? Because my brother keeps hogging the damn computer when he doesn't even need to do anything. -.- FINE, and he says audition is lame. Guys seriously have loose screws in their head. Therefore, in order to even to be able to blog, i have to wake up at an unearthly time of 8am. Pathethic, ain't it. Anyway, i have to go over to melissa's today for english eril project, which basically also sucked. I mean, anything given out by RV basically sucked, cause they hardly marked even half of it. So that means we are basically wasting our time.Man, rv just totally SUCKED.

Breaking the Habit!

today, i went for a haircut. Finally, some might say. I have been hestitaing, wanting to see if i could have had another chance with her. However, it truely hit me yesterday when i was talking on MSN with her. And WHEE!, what a surprise, she said "sorry" again. She was there, and i was on the other line.Amazingly, the past "best friends" could not find any topic to continue their conversation after a short 5 minutes. Well, that kind of woke me up. It made me realise she was never going to be free to actually just go for a haircut with me. Like what sinyee said in my ears for a thousand times, SHE IS JUST TOO BUSY. Too busy to even fit me, the "long long ago best friend" into a schedule. Man, that totally suck. I got that feeling back again. That feeling of relief after a haircut. I totally love this new hairdresser. He cut SO much of my hair, but it looks totally the same. Hahaz. Wonder what my mother has to say about this. She probably restrict me from stepping into that shop again.

勉强是没有幸福的。
事实虽然残酷，但是我们都很了解我们不能再逃避。
你把我折腾得很累。很累。
你让我觉得我很不了解你。
你让我认为在这两年你，你并不是你。
很多东西因为说出来很伤人，我们都选择彼此沉默。
但是沉默也是一种隐性的伤害，更重要的，使双方面的。
所以，我可以说是“看破红尘”了。
我已经把心结打开。现在，换你了。
接受所不能接受的。
谢谢你。

Breaking the Habit!

Friday, June 01, 2007

QUOTE OF THE DAY: time heals all wounds.
Cliche but true. The passing grains of falling sand through that narrow figur eight glass really work miracles on wounds that simply hurt to the heart. Sounds stupid but,hey, if it works why not. The catch in this is that one has no idea how long the time will take.It can take 3 days, 5 weeks, 7 months and maybe, even 8 years. It's a never ending question mark to such a profound and yet, in a way, simple question. Inronical, that's all I can say. It always works, that is all i can assure. i have the experience and it took quite a long time. Longer than i could bear, anyway. But, it still succeeded in making me forget, forget the pain.
However, if one still chooses to hold on tightly, even on a thin thread, i guess time just can't bear to pull you away from whatever you are holding on to. So, in order to quicken the process and ensure the efficiency of it, i really strongly advise in one letting go of whatever they should.At least,it might rub away SOME of the PAIN.

Breaking the Habit!

simply bored. i seriously can't understand why people can make a big fuss out of small things. Maybe that is because she seriously doesnt understand the OBVIOUS HINTS that i am not interested. BOOZ. that totally sucked.i mean, the attitude and all and you still don't get it. Man, it's really time for a eye check. Hyprocrisy is the only way to life. You taught me that, ddn't you? With all that sweet talk and all. It's really a wonder that you didn't manage to see through mine as well. Since mine was not obviously as clean and clear cut as yours. With my straightforward attitude, i kind of find it highly impossible to act, even though i have to admit i AM a drama-queen. You know, one day, when i really can't stand it anymore, i might just say every FREAKING thing with the word FREAKING in them. And seriously, if you know me well enough, which i guess you do, i don't really mean the word FREAKING. Amusing how someone like me could go against someone like you, isn't it? i agree it's pretty amusing, since life could have been so much better if i have never met you in the first place. If you totally want to go mess with others and they allow you to, i don't see why you just have to pick on me. In America, i think they use a more informal word for this, "bullying". How simple and straightforward it sounds, doesn't it? I don't give up easily, since this is practically my life. You have no choice over it, i guess, since its MINE, as clearly stated above. THANK YOU, though, for all the attention.

Breaking the Habit!