Thursday, May 31, 2007

I waited, so eagerly that I thought my heart will just burst with anticipation. I waited, just like that, for that mere 5 seconds, for the word, "ok" or even a simple "yes". When have I started to become so desperate for just a simple agreement? I seriously don't know. It was probably the time when you left with her, not even looking back. The word I have heard you say a million times, “sorry" just keep ringing in my ears. You didn’t understand how much I wanted you to stay. You didn’t know how much I wanted you to just say "I’ll go with you”. You didn’t know. You went with her to cut her hair, saying it so casually into the mirror. You didn’t know how my heart was bleeding when I heard that. I wanted to ask you to go with me for that simple haircut on that day too. I wanted to ask. However, every time I opened my mouth, I just had to stuff those words back in. Your eyes could no longer see my shadow and your eyes could no longer hear my voice. Your answer was still a “no”. Not only in the past, not only now, but I guess forever. There are so many things I wanted to confide in you, so many things. But they don’t matter anymore. With you appearing less in my life, and with me less appearing in yours, we just have to accommodate that there are differences in each others life. When I see your blog appearing with names and words I have never seen you used in those past 2 years, it just felt like someone just stabbed me in the heart once and again. It just becomes more and more apparent about the ever growing distance. Your answer was a tight slap across my mind and my heart. The tears just kept flowing. It woke me up. It’s probably time to let go. AGAIN.

Breaking the Habit!